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Lunatic CentralFor every animal you don't eat, I'm going to eat three. November, 2008 Like A SurgeonCuttin' for the very first time.
I love creepy lyrics.
Anyhow, welcome! Congratulations, salutations, salivations and all the rest. It's been waaaay too long since I wrote one of these suckers. But as luck would have it I have to go to bed so I'll make this brief.
Gotta run now or Sai is going to skin me and sell my corpse on eBay. She'd never sell it but it's the principle of the matter. And remember folks, save the whales - eat the Japanese. August, 2008 One Things Leads To AnotherAnd all roads lead to Rome.
Or to pudding.
A few interesting things have happened over the last few days, so I'll go in reverse order, for no reason other that I am a complete and utter jackass.
Today, work sucked so I got really, really drunk and caught the bus home. Only I missed the bus and ended up walking (read, staggering) down the road for half an hour before catching another bus home. To make matters worse I had my mp3 player with me so every house I passed had to endure my inebriated caterwauling. On the plus side however DragonForce sound fucking awesome when you're ripped.
Trying not to hurl while singing a shaky version of Through The Fire And Flames isn't as fun though.
To top it off, neither is moving from the back to the front of a speeding bus because some smashed fucker behind you just blew his nose into the middle of the aisle.
Anyway, hygiene horror story is hereby on hiatus.
Last night I cooked dinner (another massive fecking pasta dinner) because Sai and I had invited a friend over because as of late her life has been kinda sucky (said friend has been pretty unwell). So we dragged her over, fed her delicious pasta and diet Coke and then made her sit on the couch and watch the Umbilical Brothers. That was actually a lot of fun; although that may be because there is nothing like watching some poor bastard get his arse whaled on by a make-believe blowfly.
Thursday night I slept.
Well, duh.
I may have also played some Valkyrie Profile.
And on Wednesday night, Sai and I went to dinner.
Only thing is, I'd been organising and scheming about this dinner for the last three weeks - special occasion, y'see. A very nice evening out, and it was pleasantly romantic and went just the way I was hoping it would.
I asked Sai to marry me. August, 2008 Dreams of AvalonMy grandfather passed away on Thursday at approximately 11:30 AM in the Wheatfields nursing home in Freeling. The funeral is in a few days.
As sad as I am that I can't attend to see him off, I was glad I could at least see him one more time.
Wait, I didn't tell you about that now did I? How very careless of me.
The trip to Adelaide was wonderful, even if not for the happiest of reasons. It was great to see Stefanie and Shakira again (Shakkie is still a ratbag; too much like Green if you ask me) and I missed my stepmother Sonya so it was nice to see her too. I also got to finally meet my nephew Ron, who is arguably THE cutest toddler in the whole damn country. The little tyke has taken after his daffy uncle (that is to say blonde, noisy and has a deep affection for the Ninja Turtles). So of course I got to catch up with my elder sister Lena and my brother-in-law Josh; who tried to get me really, really drunk. More on that later.
I also got to see my grandmother Heather and my grandfather - the aforementioned Grampa Schrapel - one more time. Hell I got to visit him about five or six times the whole time I was down there... he was barely strong enough to lift his own arms much less speak, but nonetheless he managed to say "Welcome" when Sai and I entered the room that first time. Considering last time I'd seen him I had been six or seven - and I'm now twenty - I didn't handle it very well. I'll spare you the details, but suffice to say I was sitting next to my dying grandfather, holding his hand and failing spectacularly at trying not to cry. The scary part was just being in his presence triggered lot of memories - bits and pieces mostly, but stuff I didn't even know; almost as if someon was just sticking the information in my head.... not realizing, I muttered to myself wondering where Grandpa's Akubra was - he actually did have one. It was rather odd to suddenly posses such knowledge.
Oh yeah, for those of you who have no effing clue - an Akubra is a type of hat. Farmer wear them; which makes sense considering that's exactly what Grandpa was.
We got to visit St Kilda. This confused the crap out of me because to my knowledge St Kilda is a suburb in Melbourne, not Adelaide - turns out there's two. This one happened to have this massive adventure playground on it. Massive as in the flying fox was about a hundred metres long and the slides took about nine seconds to reach the bottom of (four if you hit it at a piss-bolt while wearing your jacket on your arse). I went head over heels trying to propel a rotor swing (a swing dangling from each end of a rotating crossbeam. Great way to induce vomiting) because I slipped on the woodchip floor and nearly got run over by Stefanie. Then I managed to bruise that which makes me a man by attempting to ride a pulley swing and nearly ending up as a Darwin Award candidate.
Tuesday night I got really, really smashed. Since I was depressed about Grandpa and Dad was getting hammered, I bought a bottle of Drambuie and downed nearly the entire thing. I was so drunk that merely contemplating placing one foot a half-inch forward sent me barrelling across the yard and almost into the side of the shed. I couldn't see, I couldn't walk, and I not only threw up about four times in ten minutes but I had almost zero sense of self-awareness while I was doing it. Next morning I woke up with nothing more than a mild thirst. So awesome fucking fun; but I'm never doing it again.
I spent some time at Grandma Heather's farm; where Sai was playing catchy blues music on the old piano. I also got to catch up with my uncle Andrew - and meet my cousin Lucy. I wasn't expecting Lucy to be a teen - I thought I was about to meet another relative-but-not-really with a cohort of bad tales to tell. But no, Lucy turned out to be a pretty bright - and perverted - young girl. Hell, my whole family were telling jokes and anecdotes around the dinner table. I'm going to miss them.
An interesting fact: That failure of a TV show called Macleod's Daughters is shot in Freeling. We actually went past the Gungellan Hotel nearly every time we went to visit my grandfather.
Oh, and I forgot - it was colder than Satan's left arse cheek.
But within two days, whilst Dad and the folks are stomping around in tracksuit pants, two shirts and a jacket and are STILL freezing their tits off, I was wandering around in my usual jeans and a T-shirt with no consequences.
So naturally when I got off the plane into the hot Territory sun I just looked up and said, Fuck you. That's not fucking FUNNY, you bastard.
I really did swear at the sun. I still have the marks from where Sai hit me.
Work is going well, I have a new computer that's nearly operational (I'm poor and have to buy each part seperately. Only replace poor with stingy) and Sai and I are glad to be home.
Anyhow, I have to bugger off because I have work tomorrow and I need sleep.
Before I go though -
- Here's to you, Grandpa. Safe journey mate, and I hope that whatever's waiting for you at the other end is whatever you want it to be.
I'm going to miss you. July, 2008 RequiemWhat? It's a nice word.
Okay, although it is true I owe you folks an absolute monster of an update I'm afraid it's just going to be a bit smaller. Without my computer my passion to write is fading somewhat and I have news that is deep and sucky.
Numero uno, I had the CT scan of my head done; and there is indeed a brain in there. There is also no tumor, no aneurysm, blood clot or anything else life-threatening. There is however, a big freakin' infection that is pretty much dominating the lower half of my skull.
It's superficial and it's mostly harmless, but it's there and has been there for about a decade; the result of all the moronic doctors I've visited doing nothing but telling me to get some rest. If any of them had actually checked me out they would have found it and given me a shot and it would not be here. But it is and I'm bombarding it with weapons-grade antibodies. There is a decent silver lining to this cloud though.... it means my migraines actually have NOT returned, it's been the infection slowly worsening. It also means that this is 100% treatable, AND I can choose to sue the stupid docs who chose to ignore my patronage to save themselves some time. So all in all it was very relieving news; if not somewhat of a pisser.
Numero duo, Friday morning Dad called. Grandpa is fading fast; as I write this it is nine minutes past midnight and therefore Sunday the 20th of July - Grandpa will be dead before the month is out; indeed before the new week gives way to the one after. Sai and I are flying to Adelaide so that I can speak with him for the first (and sadly last) time in twelve years. Our flight is 1PM on Tuesday the 22nd, and if Grandpa is still alive by the time we arrive then that is some beautiful luck. Goddess willing we'll make it in time and I can show him that the loud little boy he last saw is now a big sarcastic duffer with sick humour and bad hair.
Plus, considering that Dad's side of the family is like second or third-generation Australian from German, it means Sai is going to haff to endure gut olt-fashonned German hospitality, ja. I'm just grateful my folks aren't Greek, otherwise we really would be up the creek.
And in random news, I have a new computer. 3GHz dual-core processors, 410GB hard drive, 1 GB RAM and an Nvidia 6200GT graphics card - and the whole shebang only cost me $150.
It may have had something to do with the guys at work knowing absolute jack squat about computers and thinking it was broken.
Just a little.
Anyway, I'm going to bugger off now. My next post will be most likely be when Sai and I get back from meeting the folks and seeing one off.
And when in doubt, always remember: explosions fix everything! June, 2008 Over Nine ThousandIt's over nine thousaaaaaaaand!
My power level or body count? You decide.
Whole shitload of news for you lucky, lucky folks. I spoil you rotten, don't I?
Let's see now. About two weeks after my previous post, I finally found a new place to slack off and earn money - one of the local pawn shops, in this case a Cash Converters. Apparently the position was originally for a part-time casual in the big-arse warehouse out the back, manhandling televisions like a manly man and such. It is of the opinion however that I either impressed the boss during the interview or he was desperate, because he asked me to come in on the following Saturday - oops I mean Caturday - and do a four-hour trial with them as a salesman, just to see how I'd fare.
I discovered I have a scary knack for talking people into buying stuff they have absolutely zero use for.
Skipping about two month's worth of info, I've had the job for about two months. Yeah, you saw that one coming. In that time I've earned two bonuses, sold over twenty thousand dollars worth of gear and smashed my predecessor's work ethic to measly bleeding pieces.
To say I am chuffed is the understatement of the fucking year.
It's a great job and more importantly, it pays well - like about $570 a week AFTER tax, and that's if I don't make any bonuses at all. It's not bad considering the other jobs I've had.
So yeah. I deal with nice people who come to buy things and want help or advice on what to buy or what to do with it.
More often than not, I deal with complete and utter retards without two brain cells to rub together who think that if they persist long enough we'll give them whatever they want.
Then I go out to the warehouse, sit down with the rest of the staff, and we get smashed while pissing ourselves lauging at said morons.
I have personally prank-called no less than twelve telemarketers in the last two weeks.
I love my job.
Sai got me a fantastic birthday present. She had bought this pretty floral box; and while trying to drop a hint about its contents she accidentally gave one a little too easy. Birthday lingerie for this kitty, lucky me!
Not. The evil woman completely conned me.
Instead of sexy nightwear, she had bought for me a brand-new, black DS Lite.
I was kinda torn between being overjoyed at the awesome gift or sulky because she tricked me.
Oh and speaking of Sai -
- Warning, big news ahead -
We finally got our house.
It's a big three-bedroom in one of the nicer suburbs, complete with air conditioning and spa. It currently contains myself and Sai; and as my good fortune would have it, Diss and her boyfriend Simon.
We actually only moved in a little over a week ago; hence my extended absence. I've been busy packing things away; from my books and sketches to my dagger set and evidence locker.
Sadly, I had to leave my beloved orange mutant behind. He was really more Brian's cat anyway; and on top of that he probably would have started attacking Diss's cat Wattle; simply because he's a furry little jerk. So he's staying with Brian and Rastus and hopefully driving them both bonkers.
Anyhow, I'm going to get going because my beautiful beloved will be home soon, and we have dead cow that cries out to be devoured.
Sorry for the lack of posts; I'll try to post a little more often now that our internet has been restored, for the time being at least.
Failing that I'll just kil some poor bastard and write the update into the letter I send to the police and thereby get it published in the local newspaper. Sneaky, huh?
And don't laugh, because I'm not joking.
Aw, of course I am.
Aren't I? |
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