We don't need no water, do we now gentlemen?

 

Although by all means, bring on the alcohol. I could use it.

 

There's a fair bit to report. First up, I'm STILL looking for work. Haven't found a goddamned thing yet; and I've tried a great deal of places. As in eighteen these three weeks past and still nothing. I almost landed a job as a market research officer (in other words, a mystery shopper) but that fell through because the dickwads did not advertise or in any way indicate that they were only interested in people with their own driver's licences until I was on the phone with one finalising all the details.

 

That pissed me off royally; not only because I was a hair's breadth away from having a dependable job, but they would have been paying me to go shopping. For me, being paid to go shopping is like to the entirety of mankind being paid to drink beer and whack off; so that was a missed opportunity and believe me when I say it will be missed.

 

Mind, being paid to get wrecked sounds just as fun.

 

Now, to more important news; Red has left home. More surprising than that, she has moved in with her boyfriend.

 

When Green told me I might just have had a minor brain lesion. When last I saw her, Red could not care less about boys... but then again, Red is now fifteen years old. It's something to be expected but I couldn't help but be thrown somewhat that my baby sister is growing up without me.

 

Now, the reason Red has left home is Mum has once again decided to move for the sheer sake of finding a town that doesn't know who she is. Wayne has apparently cleaned up his act and become captain of his own trawler - whoop dee da la chookshit. As far as my information extends, Mum is moving to Queensland to be with him because she really is that fucking dense. If he gets drunk and smacks her around a bit, which he inevitably will, it will be all I can do not to nod sagely to myself then trot to the fridge and grab myself a nice icy cold drink of I don't give a toss. Mercy knows I did what I could to help her; if she still wants to keep following that egotistical cock jockey around that's her choice and that's her problem. Not mine.

 

Anyhow, more to the point. Red has gotten as fed up with this as Green and I did two and a half years ago and has left home. This however was an ultimatum; Red apparently told Mum that if she decided to go to Queensland to follow Thilly Thailor, she would not be going with. And naturally Mum left; paragon of upstanding judgement that she is. So Red is currently still in her lovely seaside town, staying with her boyfriend and his family while she continues to attend her school. Personally I think good on her, but at the same time I have to admit I'm more than a little worried. Most likely because I have never met this boyfriend of hers and also because I think she's too young to move out of home; but then again I did the same thing, albeit I was seventeen at the time and not nearly twenty as I am now. But family is family and I want to be satisfied that Red is safe and hasn't made the wrong decision; for my own peace of mind if nothing else. Green however is not nearly as complacent with the issue as I am however and has been trying to reach Red for two weeks nonstop now and has scolded me for not doing the same. I explained to her that Red is currently going through what we did when we left home; and unlike us she doesn't have friends and family and an incoming escape via plane to help her through it. I told her to let Red be for another week to let her adjust and come to terms, and to remember that as far as Red will be concerned the most important person in her life right now is her boyfriend. Green begrudgingly agreed with me. So in a few more days she's going to try calling Red on her mobile; assuming something hasn't happened to it.

 

A little over a month ago my neighbour and fellow deviant Pete was severely injured in a kitchen accident; and ended up in hospital with horrific damage to his knee. Brian, Jason and myself cleaned the blood pool from his kitchen floor before his son Brendan got home from school, and in doing so I frightened the hell out of Jason and amused the happy shit out of Brian in doing so; because for some reason that yet remains undisclosed to me I took over the cleanup operation. Perhaps the more bizarre part was that on a whim I took a bag of ordinary table salt out of our pantry and tipped it over the massive bloody lake - and cleaned it up something spectacular. Jason was regarding me as a mixture of domestic god and creepy fucker. But anyhow. Pete returned from the hospital yesterday; and aside from the bandages and cast on his leg and the spare bed downstairs and directly in front of his television set he seems to be none the worse for wear; which is no end of relief for myself and the rest of our motley crew.

 

Not to mention I was really starting to miss sitting around and getting smashed with the guy; particularly since we share the same aesthetic tastes and values. It's nice to hold a conversation about Freddy Mercury or The Devil's Trill that doesn't involve dressing up in fishnet stockings.

 

Because Pete would look really, really fucking scary in fishnet stockings.

 

I'd look damn gorgeous, though.

 

Due to certain employees getting off their cellulite-ridden asses and doing their jobs, I was able to repay my debt to Brian. I spotted a screwup in the paperwork I had been given, and managed to unravel the bastard to the point that I proved that corners were being cut and the fuckers owed me money. I was swiftly paid this money and now when I walk into the local office they stop screwing around and actually try to help me. It would bring a tear to my eye, if only I gave a flying fuck.

 

So, my debt is completely cleared; clean slate, woohoo. With this we were also able to get Furball into the vet for the removal of his manhood. I also bought him a fluffy toy mouse because I felt guilty. The little orange freak seems as happy and nonchalant as ever; if not somehow slightly more mischievous. He has also displayed a proud talent of catching cicadas and frightening the neighbours. Right now he's whining at me to let him outside but it's half past midnight and he is not going anywhere.

 

Right now he's eating a Rockman's catalogue.

 

...what the hell?

 

Dad has informed me that Grandpa hasn't got much longer left - his radiology came back and the cancer has turned malignant. The doctors have given him until the end of January, tops. Knowing Grandpa he'll probably outlive that by a couple of times anyway but it serves to highlight the point that if I want to see him one more time I need to move fast.

 

Things with Sai and I are going wonderfully. For her birthday present, the two of us had the house all to ourselves. I'll not say anything else about it other than it was beautifully romantic. All that was missing was the rose petals.

 

Although, speaking of whom; it has come to my attention that Sai is becoming a Guitar Hero fan. As if I needed another reason to be attracted to that woman. But I must admit, watching her nail Hit Me With Your Best Shot with a crowd of stunned onlookers behind her was utterly mindblowing.

 

And for some reason I've turned completely domestic. As in I'm cooking dinner each and every night and cleaning the house; as opposed to microwaving stuff for lunch and then going back to bed out of sheer boredom. Not that I'm complaining, but a little warning before turning me into Mr Sheen would have been appreciated.

 

Particularly since that little bastard looks like John Howard and if I woke up looking like him I'd use myself for target practive.

 

Well now, it's late and although I'm not tired I have a few things to do tonight - like taking a shower, making myself something to drink and coaxing the cat down from the ceiling fan.

 

I think I'll do so by turning it up and watching him catch the living room wall with his face.

 

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go watch my beloved orange mutant go splat.