I'm not in a good mood. I recently had a phone conversation with a coordinator with the NTOEC (Northern Territory Open Education Centre, basically a correspondence school HQ); as due to my near-constant sickness thanks to my insomnia, chronic migraines and overall dicky metabolism, I simply can't push myself during the days because I just don't have the energy. On top of that, I can't and won't go back to my old senior high because I found out they did some MAJOR misleading. Anyhow, long story cut dramatically short, this last year has been a waste. You heard me correctly; the time I have spent studying and working hard, trying to deal with my illnesses and continue my schooling was all worth diddley squat. In the conversation I learned that it's too late in the year to re-enrol in any Year 12 classes; although I am able (and am required to; to qualify for the government payment I need since I am living "under special circumstances" or so they tell me) to take up to four Year 11 classes to fill out the remainder of the year, study up and polish up my record. So basically I'm back at Square One; which was created when I stepped into the airport last year. I've wasted a whole year because I played by someone else's rules. There's a moral in there somewhere but damned if I'm going searching for it.

However, I'm not down and out yet. I've formulated that assuming I take said four classes and pass them all (or otherwise pass the time until next year; say, a job... assuming I can find one I'm good at that doesn't suck), then next year I AM able to take my classes. If I pass five of them next year, I get into university and this whole horrid ordeal is an unpleasant memory. Three, I ruin my chances for university but I still graduate high school; which isn't anything special really but at least it's a consolation of sorts. Simply put, I'm not screwed yet; everything's just been delayed. Again. And when I finally allow myself to realise it means I have to do all of that hard work all over again I'm probably going to go out and burn something.

Another part is I STILL refuse to leave the Territory. My reasons for staying here have changed; if not for schooling then for one reason and one reason only. Two if you count my ego. Even though it's always open to me as an option, I refuse to return to living with my mother and sister. That's the easy way out; and I'd never be able to live with myself if I did that.

So all I have to do is hang in there; somehow pull the motivation to do all of this stuff again for a third time out of thin air and hope like hell that this time that misled Centrelink agents, sadistic classmates, malicious school coordinators, unthinking teachers, interfering relatives, infuriating roommates, drunken Cas boys and other setbacks both major and minor stay the fuck out of my way this time.

Otherwise I'm going to sell all of my earthly possessions and use the money to buy myself a gun.

The next person to wake me by slamming the door repeatedly and then rattling my bed will have both of their front teeth fed to them before receiving a free triple heart bypass with a box of baking soda. And so far my roommate is a prime candidate.

I'm absolutely livid. That jerk slept most of all day yesterday and last night and I did my damndest to make sure I didn't disturb him; and succeeded. Meanwhile my insomnia kept me up all night and when I finally managed to fall asleep at around 10 AM the next day, he wakes me less than six hours later by slamming the door and grabbing the side of my bed to slow himself down when he comes running around the corner. I guess common courtesy is beyond this guy; not to mention common decency and common sense. Maybe I oughta beat some sense into his hollow head. I'd love to, if only I had the strength in my body to raise my arms. In the meantime, I will be rather grudgingly waiting for my body to shut down again - which should be in about sixteen hours.

So help me, if this happens again tomorrow. Wait no don't help me; help them. They'll be fuggin' needing it.

Um, that's Japanese for "Hey, wait up!" Just being the random, marketable kitty that is me. Don't you just wanna hug me? ^_^

Lotsa phone calls this week. I called Lene several times to check up on her; when Chan, her mom and I dropped her off at her house, she was still a bit shaken. I was glad to hear she was feeling better; although I was exasperated when she started asking if my eye was okay and thanking me for taking that punch, yeesh. Fair enough if she wants to thank me; but to be blunt, I still don't see why she's still thanking. I did what any decent friend would do; no questions asked. I don't want a medal for it. Besides, it's not as if the guy had stabbed me. Although I kinda wish he did, because here that means I would've been able to retaliate and get away with it, and you should see all the neat things I can do with a knife in one hand ^_^ okay, that bit's a lie. I'm glad he didn't stab me; because then all of this fuss would be a thousandfold; and something tells me it's hard to ignore people when they're standing by your bedside.

Against my better judgement, I told my father. Surprisingly, he didn't get cutesy on me. Worse - he got fatherly. I nearly hung up on him when HE started asking if I was okay, am I sure I'm okay? every fifteen seconds. Good god, what's the matter with these people? It's nice to know they care, really it is, but they don't need to continue on about it. I stood up for a friend of mine; not save the fucking world from Russian scientists from space. Okay, so they appreciate what I did. Appreciation acknowledged; now drop it and get off your knees. I don't want or need the hero worship.

I haven't told Red; she'd do the same and start asking me if I'm feeling okay; and then she'd tell my mother who would then proceed to freak the fuck out. I really don't need that. I did tell Green though, and she was surprisingly cool about it. Three cheers for my baby sister. But then again, a lot of her friends are Aboriginals and although her friends are awesome people she's seen her fair share of violence in the communities and in the Aboriginals here in Darwin, and she knows how much I dislike them, so I guess that's why she didn't start on the nursemaid routine. I'm glad she didn't.

I tried the police up here. No go, just as I predicted. I got told that the chances of finding them and making the charges stick were a thousand to one and they'd just deny everything anyway. What the fuck?? Lemme see here, given what the Cas boys that bothered us had done, just off the top of my head that's underage drinking, consumption of alcohol in a public place, public menace, intent to cause bodily harm, assaulting an adult, harrassment... and they're telling me the charges won't stick?? Jesus tapdancing Christ what is wrong with this country? Call me racist, but I don't give a purple fuck what color people are, and if they do something like this they should damn well be put away for it! But instead these wannabe gangsta's will get off scot free, simply because they're black. That's right; because they're black. It makes me sick We have a spokesman for "Indigenous Rights" demand that all Australian Aboriginals be treated fairly and given equal opportunity; and then when something like this happens and someone speaks up and demands they be treated equally in the courtroom they point fingers and call us racist right wing white trash and destroy our reputations. It happens all the time up here, and this hypocrisy pisses me off! I got punched in the fucking face and the cops won't do anything because it was a fucking black guy that punched me! I played by the fucking rules, I didn't hit him back or cut out his fucking heart with my fingernails; and what happens? Absolutely fucking nothing! So let me ask this, let me ask you my faithful protectors of the innocent; don't you think that refusing to go after someone because they're black being racist in itself? Whoa, bet you didn't think of that one! I tell you, what I need right now is a fucking hammer and a blowtorch! If these dickwads won't do their job I'll damn well do it for them!

Gah, sorry for the rant, it seems I listen to too much 2 the Ranting Gryphon. I'm calm now. But in all seriousness, I want to know how the hell that would work. Up here those charges might not be as high-ranking as assaulting a police officer or offing some dude, but they're still pretty serious. And of course they're gonna fucking deny it, Captain Justice. Somehow I doubt the word of several baked boys with criminal records would outweigh two senior high school students and one hardworking woman; not to mention the mall cop who watched them trying to avoid an encounter. But unfortunately that's the way it works up here. It seems being descended from our great indigenous tribes means that you get the nearest thing to diplomatic immunity. Fucking politics. If those assholes who preach for equal rights for Aboriginals up here were serious, then they'd let them be punished when they break the rules; just like everyone else. But instead they scream and point fingers and insult until the government steps in and tells the guy who had his arm broken in three places and his wallet stolen to shut his filthy racist mouth. And it's sad because now I'm racist towards nearly all black people now; I'm not saying the attack and lack of authoritive action is solely to blame but it's a major factor. And it's quite sad, because in the rest of the country being descended from the Aboriginal tribes means you have a rich and interesting culture and you're just as accepted and treated fairly as you'd expect. These human trashbags up here on the other hand are giving the rest of their kind one hell of a bad name; and after living here so many years I'm actually starting to feel sympathetic towards some of the actual facists up here. I don't agree with them; I don't think that all Aboriginals should all be put up against a wall and shot in the head; but I can see where they're coming from. Wait, that's a lie back there; there are some of them around the city that I would personally love to deal with myself; like the ones that start fights in the mall and the ones that threaten people until they give them money or cigarettes, and if I could only find the one that tried to sexually harrass a friend of mine, I would take great pleasure in breaking his jaw and then cutting his diseased throat from ear to ear.

It really makes me despair of humankind; and it makes me realize just how much I hate humans in general. And more than anything, it disgusts me. I'm a pacifist; and anyone who can make me pray for the strength to change my mind automatically deserves to die. Because if they hit a nerve and I find them, that'll be the least of their worries.

Gah. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Calm down Neko.

Once again, sorry for the long, angry and most likely extremely prejudiced rant. Anyone who reads this and is offended, please know that I mean no offence. I am biased towards the Aboriginals up here, everyone else is just peachy. If that weren't true I certainly would have friends in Japan, much less an Aboriginal name of my own (long story, one of the communities my grandmother used to help out gave it to me. Red and Green have tribal names too). Hell, I can even speak a little Yolgnu (that's the name of the main tribe here in the Northern Territory. Most of them are around Gove, aka Nhulunbuy, wonderful people ^_^ you oughta see some of the stuff in that town). I probably sound like I'm trying to compensate; and you're right, I am ^_^ I feel guilty for venting like that and sharing such controversial thoughts. But oh well, screw that; and if MSN tries to modify or delete this entry then I know I'm definitely on the right track.

In other news, I tried phoning the NTOEC today. That stands for Northen Territory Open Education Centre; simply put it's HQ for all correspondence up here. Unfortunately, I was told that all year coordinators are on break until next Monday, when school resumes, so I'll have to wait until then. I just hope they don't refuse me; as far as I know I don't think they're actually allowed to, but I'm still worried; correspondence was my last resort Plan Z, so if this fails I am one screwed little kitty.

I'd write more, but I gotta get going. I have a deadline to meet (I'm writing music for a special project, more information at http://www.rm2kete.net/TH/Main.htm  so go check under About Kuroneko) that I should really be working on. Plus I drank a lot of coffee earlier and I really need to go to the bathroom ^_^;;

Nighty night, everybody ^_^


P.S. And I fucking hate FireFox. I already wrote this entire entry, only to have it inexplicably shut down, forcing me to rewrite the entire fucking thing, and I couldn't remember all of it; I had written quite a lot. God I hate computers at times.

Gah. Long month.

Lemme see, where to begin? About two weeks ago Chan was quite sick - a nasty throat infection combined with the flu. But she's better now, so that's irrelevant.

In more recent news, I got to meet my two half-sisters yesterday; Chan and I had lunch with them and my father. They're absolutely adorable, and they look scarily like Red and Green. Green's younger counterpart is just like her older half-sister was at her age - mischievious little ratbag, and clingy to boot. But still adorable.

Also, due to the events of yesterday, I now have a lovely patch of deep blue and royal purple imprinted upon my face.

Translation: I have a black eye.

After Dad and the girls had left, Chan and I spent the afternoon in the mall. We also ran into a good friend of ours, who I shall call Lene. Anyhow, as I had decided that I wanted to take Chan out (to the cinema, of course... unoriginal but hey, it works), and decided Lene could tag along too - my treat. We decided to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie, at it's final screening for the day - 9:15 PM.

Anyhow, as the food and snacks in the cinemas are usually insanely overpriced, we went to the other side of the mall to a supermarket, Woolworths, and stocked up on candy and such.

As we were leaving, we noticed that there was about four or maybe five Cas boys hanging around in the carpark. Let me explain. Cas boys are gangsta wannabes of that particular suburb (Casuarina). They like to dress and act like American ones, but are total pussies - and most of them are children. As in, kids between twelve to eighteen. All of them here descend from the Australian Aboriginals - which here, means that all they do is drink and fight. Care to guess where this is going?

We had gotten about a hundred and fifty feet away from the supermarket when there was a shout of "Hey you, ya bitch!" and they all ran after us. According to Lene, they were the same ones that had beaten her up on several other occasions. And it looked as if  they wanted to finish the job. One of them, a teenaged girl named Kimi started shoving Lene, throwing disgusting words even I wasn't use, you know. Typical pre-pubescent behaviour. The Rent-A-Cop (mall police) on duty had followed them over, and he talked them into backing off. And then while we're trying to leave, they shove past him and come after us again! I mean for Christ's sake, if you want to beat us to within an inch of our lives make up your fucking minds!

This time it was serious. They crowded in while Kimi started with the insults and jabbing fingers routine. Chan looked near-terrified, Lene looked the same, and I felt it, frankly. These morons that like to listen to rap and think that their skin color automatically makes them scary might not bother me; but the idea of watching a friend and Chan get beaten up right in front of me does, a hell of a lot.

I don't know what I was thinking. I really don't. One second I'm watching Kimi threaten Lene, hoping that she'll get lost and that the adrenaline in my system wouldn't trigger my condition (a topic for a later time); and the next I'm in the middle of it. I'd seen Kimi raise a fist and then all of a sudden I'm standing in front of Lene - between her and Kimi. Kimi, in typical style, automatically switched her attention to me ("Who da fuck are you?? You want sam o' dis too ya dumb c#nt?", yeah, real original Kimi. Sober up, sweetheart.) and I think all I was doing was glaring at her and telling her to calm down.

And then somebody punched me.

Another Cas boy had walked around to my side and punched me in the face; where I couldn't see him and couldn't have seen it coming. Coward. But it snapped me out of it. I heard Chan say my name and saw her put her hands to her mouth; and everyone, even the Cas boys, had all shut up. I couldn't figure out why, until I had made a joke about it a few hours later with Chan. "I'm just not going to stand for this bullshit," I had said, grinning. Chan shook her head and said "You already did."

That coward had punched me in the face hard enough that I have a black eye and a swollen temple, IN the temple from my blind spot. Generally when you punch someone there you're aiming to knock them down, or at least make them instinctively clutch their eye so you can grab their wrist and hurt them some more. But I didn't.

After I'd seen Chan's reaction I looked at the guy who'd punched me in the face, utterly speechless. I think I even had my eyebrow raised. The Rent-A-Cop came back, and while he was busy trying to yell at the Cas boys and they were busy telling him to go fuck himself, Chan, Lene and I took the opportunity to get the hell out of there.

This is what I don't understand. Some guy about my age punched me. He punched me in the goddamned face. And I didn't see it coming. So why the hell was I still standing? My head didn't even snap back from the impact. To quote Chan, "you took a punch to the face and didn't even flinch!" and I don't get it. You punch someone in the face hard enough to cause a black eye, they will at least cry out or twitch or something, regardless of if they had seen their fist coming or not. Hell, it took a few seconds for it to register he'd hit me, and it hadn't hurt, which to me is even weirder. The bruise and the swelling on my face hurts when I poke it; so why didn't it when I got it? Not that I'm complaining; that punch was probably meant for Lene and saints be damned if I'd let that happen; plus I just plain don't care about myself. But it's still weird. Someone who gets punched in the side of the face by seventy kilos of unwashed Dr Dre fan should say "AHhh!! Owww, you fucking asshole!" and collapse, not blink a few times, look at one of his friends, look at the culprit and say "Huh?". Much less smile oddly and say "There was no need for that," when he's yelling Fuck You at the Rent-A-Cop.

Maybe I'm giving myself too much credit, if any. Maybe the guy was just phenomenally weak. Maybe he hit more bone than flesh, I don't have the slightest clue. But that weirded me out; and also ruined most of my movie due to the subsequent adrenaline overflow (my condition again). While Captain Jack Sparrow was being turned into a fruit shish kebab I was hunched in the chair and feeling thankful I'd bought two small cans of tomato juice to drink (it helps me calm down).

I think it turned out for the best though. Lene now knows beyond a doubt that she has friends that will look after her, Chan seemed impressed (okay, so I'm looking at the bright side of catching a haymaker with my face. So sue me.) and as a consolation prize, I guess I must have surprised the cheating little freak who hit me. Punching someone as hard as you can in the face and getting zero reaction can't be good for the self-esteem; I'm hoping he's hugging his knees and wailing in the shower right now. Plus I managed to see the funny side of it by imagining him in a staring contest with my father. Ten dollars on daddy; it might be favoritism but it's easy money.

I don't know if I should tell him about this. I don't need him to start up. And I don't mean he'll get worried or vengeful; I mean he will get all cutesy on me, saying stuff about how getting punched in the face and not flinching impresses women and taking a king hit for two girls is blah blah blah. I can see the magnitude of what happened, and now I can see what it must have looked like to Chan and Lene, but I still don't understand what the fuss is. The show is over and the curtain down, so why are we still discussing the dialogue? I was impulsive, I will admit, but I did what I thought was the best thing to do, and I stand by that. I'm not going to let anyone hurt my friends, much less right in front of me AND making me feel that Chan is in danger of any description. Mischief, if you are reading this, I'm also grateful like you wouldn't believe I didn't turn. The whole incident had upsides, too. Why do I always have to look at the positive side of things? Oh yeah, I AM a positive person. Don't tell anyone.

All of that aside, Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest is an awesome movie. I absolutely loved it. Go watch it and try not to laugh too loudly at all of the rum jokes.

Now if you'll excuse, I'm going to take a shower.